Okay. So, I know we shouldn’t laugh about death. But, occasionally, it’s really hard not to. Here are 10 ways people have died, with more than one case being a candidate for the Darwin Awards.
Garry Hoy, a Canadian lawyer, loved showing off his office, especially the super strong windows he delighted in running into and bouncing off (you can see where this is going). On July 9, 1993, he ran into the windows in front of his visitors and kept on running as they finally gave way. His office was on the 24th floor.
In 1997, Eric A Barcia, from Virginia, created a homemade bungee cord by tying smaller cords together. He tied one end to his foot and the other to a 70-foot bridge and jumped straight into the afterlife. Although the cord was intact and attached, he had made it too long.
In 1886, Samuel Wardell was a lamp lighter in New York. He had to be at work before dawn, but, of course, there was no such thing as alarm clocks then. So, he made his own. Quite cleverly, he managed to wire a clock to a shelf with a heavy weight on it. The shelf would give way when the clock hit the desired time, and the weight hitting the floor would wake Wardell up. After a night of drinking with friends, he proudly showed them his invention. However (there’s always a however), due to intoxication, he didn’t set it back up quite right, and the following day, the weight landed straight on his head.
Sir Francis Bacon was an English writer, philosopher, and lawyer. In 1626, he spent quite some time looking at the effects of cold weather and freezing on preserving meat. He bought a chicken (a dead one) and sat on the ground, stuffing it with snow. He spent so much time with his frozen chicken that he developed pneumonia and died.
Remember planking? In 2011, it was still all the rage, and Acton Beale from Brisbane wanted in on the action. He climbed onto the balcony railings of his seventh-floor apartment and ‘planked.’ This could have ended well—until he tried to take a photo of himself and lost his balance.
Via Dutra is the largest freeway in Brazil, and it has a lot of traffic. In July 2012, a young couple decided that this would be the best place to get, ahem, better acquainted. Instead of pulling into the hard shoulder, they parked in the right-hand lane. Where, unsurprisingly, they were hit by a cargo truck, dying instantly. At least they went with a smile.
In February 1998 in Buenos Ares, a husband and a wife were having a rather heated argument. The husband picked up his wife and threw her over the eighth-floor balcony. During her fall, she became entangled in power lines. Her husband tried to jump towards her. But missed. The wife then used the power lines to swing her way to safety.
In 1988, a woman was walking down the street in Buenos Aires. A falling poodle (yes, you read that right) landed on her, killing her. A bystander was too busy looking at the scene to notice the bus coming straight for her. And another witness was so shocked he suffered a heart attack.
In April 2022, a well-known thief broke into a closed market in Cattolica. Obviously, burglary is thirsty work, so he helped himself to a bottle of water from a large stack. Instead of taking one from the top, he unwedged one from lower down. Gravity did what gravity is going to do, and all the crates fell, crushing him.
I left this one for last, as it’s absolutely my favourite. In 1995, Polish farmer Kvystof Azninski was drinking with some friends, and they decided to play some games. At first, they were just hitting each other over the head with frozen turnips (as you do). Then one of the men CUT OFF HIS OWN FOOT with a chainsaw. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and cut off his own head. His actual fucking head. I’ll stick to beer pong.
And I really don’t know what else to say, except thanks for reading, take care of yourselves and I will see you next time.
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