Something a little lighter for this week! Demons, penises, madmen and gin – what more could you want?!
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1 – The Ancient Romans Loved a Phallus.
In fact, they loved them so much that they would use amulets and windchimes of a penis with wings to ward off illness and evil. Classicist Anthony Philip Corbeill said, ‘the sexual energy of the phallus was tied directly to its power in reproduction’. Linked to the god Fascinus, the amulets were mainly used to protect children, especially boys. Because nothing makes you feel safer than a flying cock hanging around your neck.
2 – Blowing Smoke Up Your Arse (Literally).
Now, this was a fascinating little medicinal tale. In 1774, London doctors, William Hawes and Thomas Cogan started ‘The Institute for Affording Immediate Relief to Persons Apparently Dead from Drowning’ (a nice catchy name there). When an ‘apparently dead from drowning’ person was rescued from the river Thames, doctors thought that the body needed warming and stimulation to resuscitate them. And, obviously, they thought tobacco smoke up your anus was the way to do this. The smoke enema was used for many illnesses, including cholera. I’m sure I’d have told them I felt fine and was cured if it stopped them shoving pipes up my bum and blowing smoke into it.
3 – Sprouts Really May Not Be Good For You!!
I think many of us at some point have thought sprouts are pure evil, especially as children. However, in medieval Europe, people genuinely believed that tiny demons lived in the leaves of sprouts and would enter the bodies of anyone who dared to eat them. This is where the tradition of cutting a cross into a sprout came from; the cross would ward off any illness or evil that may come from accidentally ingesting a demon.
4 – Witches And Their Pet Penis
Back to penises (sorry guys). In the 15th century, the witch-hunting manual Malleus Melficarum was written by Heinrich Kramer. And he wrote, ‘witches […] collect male organs in great numbers, as many as 20 or 30 members together, and put them in a bird’s nest, or shut them in a box. They move themselves like living members and eat oats and corn, as has been seen by many’. Yes, they believed that witches kept dicks as pets. Sadly, many women were executed due to cock obsessed men like Kramer causing a penis panic. I’m sure most witches would be happier with a cat.
5 – The Devil’s Waterfall Can Kill a Bee
We love the bees. We don’t want to kill the bees. But according to Roman philosopher Pliny the Elder, a woman on her period could kill swarms of bees just by making eye contact with them (can you make eye contact with a bee?). In his Natural History encyclopaedia, he wrote quite a bit about the disasters menstruating women could cause just by existing. Period blood could dull steel, and you certainly couldn’t walk around fields of crops whilst bleeding, as your mere presence would cause the crops to wilt. Pliny also believed that your time of the month could cause wine to sour. It makes it sound a bit like a superpower, to be fair.
6 – Baby Bloodsuckers
Polish legend said that a baby born with a caul (a piece of membrane that some babies are born with) over their head was doomed (DOOOOOMED) to become a vjesci or vampire. Apparently, the only way to prevent the future blood lust of these miniature demons was to dry the caul, ground it up and then feed it to the child on their 7th birthday. I’m convinced a caterpillar cake would go down better.
7 – Gin Has Medicinal Powers (Hurrah!!)
An excellent idea if there ever was one! In 16th century Holland, the Dutch produced a medicinal liquid called genever. Later on, juniper berries were added to hide the shitty flavour, which was soon known as gin. This juniper tonic was used to treat anything and everything, including stomach problems, kidney issues and gout; on the bright side, the juniper berries and herbs used in gin CAN help with digestion and joint pain. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, just a gin drinker, and you probably should not rely on gin to solve what ails you. Probably.
8 – Bull Shit
Literally. The bonnacon was a legendary creature that looked similar to a bull. It was described in medieval bestiaries (a compendium of beasts) as having brown or black fur, a horse-like mane and horns that turned inwards. People believed that these horns were useless to protect the bonnacon but that it did have a secret weapon, shit. Yes, they believed this creature had acidic excrement and fiery faeces that could spread ‘over a distance of three acres, the heat of which sets fire to anything it touches.’ This anus ammunition would protect the creature more than any horns would. Nice.
9 – Trains Could Send You Loco
I’ve often had moments where I thought the delays and crowds on trains would drive me crazy, but the Victorians (bless ‘em) thought that trains could cause actual insanity. The train's motion would damage the brain; throw in the noise of a steam train, and you are obviously going to lose your mind. One account told of a Scottish aristocrat suddenly stripping off, leaning out of the window and ranting & raving whilst stark bollock naked. As soon as he left the train, he composed himself. The media was a frenzy of stories of madmen on the railways (usually sans clothes for some strange reason) before the tales disappeared as inexplicably as they had started.
10 – A Spunky Fella
Yes, scientists in the 17th and 18th centuries believed sperm contained teeny tiny people. Known as preformationism, the theory was that a miniature person lived inside the sperm or the egg and that the little person would begin to grow once the dirty deed had been completed. I find this both fascinating and terrifying in equal measure.
And there are just 10 Bizarre Beliefs that people used to think were true! I’ve had great fun researching this one, and I think there’s definitely going to be a follow-up article! As always, thanks for reading; let me know what you think in the comments (or of any bizarre beliefs you know!), take care of yourselves, and I will see you soon!
Hi! I spend a lot of time writing for the website, and I basically exist on caffeine and anxiety - if anybody would like to encourage this habit, please feel free to buy me a coffee!
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